Top 5 American Idol Season 10 Hollywood Week Hopefuls

It's been an excruciating four weeks of audition episodes on American Idol and thankfully, tonight the show moves in to Hollywood Week (and the ensuing cattiness, tears, mental breakdowns, and forgotten lyrics). Before the drama kicks off, I thought I'd take a look back and share with you who I'll be watching closely during the next round. All five (well, actually six with the Gutierrez Bros.) have serious raw vocal talent and also benefitted by having their "stories" (or at least some sort of schtick) featured on the broadcast. There is plenty still to see, but these are my favorites thus far. Feel free to add your own $0.02 in the comments.

Mark Gutierrez, 28 and Aaron Gutierrez, 27
Hometown: Redlands, CA
Audition city: Los Angeles
You'll remember them because: They're the Latin Jonas Brothers.



Lauren Alaina, 15
Hometown: Rossville, GA
Audition city: Nashville
You'll remember her because: Steven Tyler called her "beyondo cute" after she sang his song "Don't Want to Miss a Thing." That and the tragic rainbow tye-dye dress.



Chris Medina, 26
Hometown: Oak Park, IL
Audition city: Milw00kie
You'll remember him because: He wheeled in his brain-damaged fiance to meet the judges.



Casey Abrams,19
Hometown: Idyllwild, CA
Audition city: Austin
You'll remember him because: He carried around a mouth-powered keyboard at auditions called a melodica.



James Durbin, 21
Hometown: Santa Cruz, CA
Audition city: San Francisco
You'll remember him because: He's the dude with Tourette's and Asperger's.

American Idol, The Rum Diaries, and How I Lit $335 On Fire

I try to live my life with few regrets, but if I have one it's that Showcase and I never got our shit together and auditioned for American Idol while we were still eligible. It's not like I was a lock to make Hollywood Week or anything-- on my best day Simon Cowell would have labeled my musical theater-trained belt "too cabaret"-- but it still would have been a cool footnote in our personal histories. At the end of last season, when Crystal Bowersox lost to Lee DeWyze, I felt like I was done with the show after nine seasons as a faithful viewer, but the ensuing shake-up at the judges' table led me to come back for more. The jury is still out for me when it comes to Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez's contributions to the show since we're still in the cringingly awful audition stages of Season 10, but I will say this. Goddamn I miss Simon Cowell. These folks are just too damn soft.

I'm taping an episode of the Wicked Chops Poker podcast this afternoon where I will no doubt go into more detail about specific contestants with the Entities. So stay tuned for that.

While Pauly took last week to do nothing but drink and bet on basketball (as detailed in his epic post Your Hands and Feet are Mangos), I didn't do much else besides organize my finances (thanks to my PCA score I am now debt-free for the first time since I was 18), hack through red tape at the passport office so I can go on an assignment Brazil in two weeks, and play online poker. I stunk up the joint when it came to MTTs, but thankfully made most of those buy-ins back in cash games and SNGs. Full Tilt's Double Guarantees Week and their new Multi-Entry Tournament shtick was like handing a back of rock to a crackhead, and I hit the pipe hard over the weekend when it came to those suckers.

Yesterday, instead of firing up the laptop, I hit the road and drove out to the Commerce Casino to play in an L.A. Poker Classic prelim. I sang along to the Glee soundtrack all the way down the 10 and as Maridu messaged me yesterday, "I'm pretty sure that's a tell." The structure for the $335 Double Stack NLHE was downright amazing for a low buy-in SoCal tourney, with 10,000 in chips and blinds starting at 25/50. Unfortunately, I got caught up in a very weird hand in the second orbit that cost me a significant chunk.

The UTG player, who seemed like an online guy both in terms of his look and his bet sizing raised to 125. A guy in an Angels hat flat-called and two calling stations in middle position flatted before the action came around to me on the button. I looked down at two kings and three-bet to 700. All four players called. The flop was 9-J-Q rainbow. Ewww. UTG guy checked, Angels hat bet 2,000, and the two calling stations folded. I hated raising, I hated folding, I didn't have any sort of read on Angels hat yet, and I still had UTG guy behind me. I decided to call, and UTG guy called behind me. 9,500 in the pot now. The turn was the 9s, pairing the board and giving it a second spade. UTG guy looked like he might bet, but then decided to check, and Angels hat quickly bet 4,000. I got the hell out, UTG guy shoved and Angels hat snap-called, turning over pocket queens for the nut boat. UTG guy had K-T for the straight and busted out.

After that, I couldn't win a pot to save my life. The one time I did flop top pair with A-T, I got raised on the turn on by the tightest player at the table and let it go. Angels hat was running over the table with his massive stack and was getting smacked in the face with the deck-- he showed pocket aces, pocket kings, quads for fuck's sake. My stack steadily eroded and I ended up check-shoving a 5-3-3 flop with pocket eights only to run into Angels hat's Q-Q. With that, my $335 burst into flames and instead of heading downstairs to ignite a few more hundred dollar bills in the cash games, I decided to drive home before rush hour traffic rendered that task impossible.

Queens against eights again, how about that?

American Idol Wednesdays: A Blind Guy, a Puerto Rican and a Gay Meat Loaf Fan Walk Into a Bar...

Your final 12 victims took the stage last night

This week we’re treated to a triple cocktail of Idol—last night’s performances by the Top 36’s final group of 12, tonight’s results show, and Thursday’s one-hour wild card show, where the judges will bring back their favorite performers who missed the cut when it came to America’s vote. I thought this group graced us with more quality performances than the first two combined. Sure, there were a couple of hot messes but I found myself pleasantly surprised by performers like Ju'not Joyner, Jorge Nunez, and Lil Rounds. So how’d they do?

Von Smith - "You're All I Need to Get By" Von had the unenviable task of opening the show and I thought this was actually an inspired song choice. . It was rangy, it let him belt a little and have some quieter, more emotional moments as well. There was hardly any sign of the crazy gay musical theatre guy that blasted away the straight-tone tenor notes at the first audition. Though I’m really not buying his whole “ZOMG I HAS NO IDEA I WUZ CLAY KLONE” routine.

Taylor Vaifanua - "If I Ain't Got You" Yeah, Taylor rocked the vocals on the chorus but there was something so vanilla and cabaret about the whole thing. She may have a standout voice somewhere in there, but didn’t give a standout performance. Paula actually pointed out something interesting in her pharmaceutical haze - Taylor actually sang this song during Hollywood Week. Now tell me something-- why on earth would you trot that one out again when you have the opportunity to pick any song out there? And wow is she tall… she dwarfs Seacrest like Jordin Sparks did two years ago.

Alex Wagner-Trugman - "I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues" Dude… the dorky dancing, the faux-growl in his voice… I didn't remember this guy from Hollywood Week and I tuned him out after about 30 seconds of his schtick. I thought his whole neo-Joe Cocker thing was affected and stagey. That performance might be OK if it was given by Michael Cera in the second act of a Judd Apatow movie, but not on American Idol.

Arianna Afsar - "The Winner Takes it All" This poor girl was so far behind the band and never was able to get back on the beat. She obviously has a great voice judging by the few money notes she did get in there (though she cracked at the end), but this was a disaster of a song choice. I mean…when they cut to your parents in the audience and even they look like they know you fucked up, well… that’s bad. The judges were right on target, criticizing her dated song choice. It's a shame her performance was so dreadful because it's easy to see she has a really good instrument.

Ju'not Joyner - "Hey There Delilah" I kinda dug this one, dawg. There were some moments in this song when he was really moving and effective. Ju’not did quite well done. The guy whose cute kid got him the sympathy vote to Hollywood actually turned out to have some decent pipes. He could be a dark horse in this competition if he makes it through to the Top 12.

Kristen McNamara - "Give Me One Reason" Kristen is a karaoke host and after this we can really see why. Everything was wrong about this, from the song choice, to the little orphan Annie dress, to the affected performance elements. This is not a difficult song. I can get through it on key and almost remember all the lyrics even after five cosmopolitans. Memo to Kristen: If you have the voice to take on a big-ass song, why not do it? It's now or never baby! Unfortunately, I don’t think this performance will stand out enough to let her advance.

Nathaniel Marshall - "I Would Do Anything for Love" Crazy pierced emo kid hit the stage dressed like it was Saturday night at Limelight in 1987. It was all very weird and gay and retro-disco and odd. Kara did declare that he was "the guy I want to go to karaoke with!" Well yeah, everyone wants to go to karaoke with the weird gay kid, especially if he has good drugs. Don’t think we’ll be hearing from Boy George Jr. again anytime soon.

Felicia Barton - "No One" You’ve gotta love how there's no mention of exactly WHY Felicia ended up back in the top 36 after being cut in the final round of Hollywood Week (thanks Joanna Pacitti!) but lemme tell you, this girl has a VOICE. I'm down with the styling, I'm down with the vocals, I still don't really know what kind of artist she'll be, but it's a vast improvement over the last time we saw her. I don’t think she’ll bet the votes, but she could be a wild card candidate.

Scott MacIntyre "Mandolin Rain" I was sort of over Scott when he did Daughtry's "Home" at the piano during Hollywood Week. Yeah, he's blind and everything but his vocals just can’t compete with this crop of singers. I do think Simon is dead-on when he says Scott will sail through to the Top 12—the sympathy vote from kids and old people alone will get him there, but it won’t benpurely on the strength of this performance. Yeah, I’m picking on the blind guy, but c’mon, you’re all thinking it too, right?

Kendall Beard "This One's For the Girls" Kendall looked like a little yellow ray of sunshine in that dress didn't she? Too bad she ended up delivering a tight, scared vocal and a stiff performance. This was actually a good song choice for an aspiring Carrie Underwood like Kendall, but she just doesn’t have the vocal chops to execute it properly. Kudos for defining yourself as an artist, babe, but sorry, you don't have the talent.

Jorge Nunez - "Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me" Tonight's Randy Jackson "Blow it Out the Box" award goes to Puerto Rico's Jorge Nunez, who exploded said box with a thrilling vocal and a commanding performance of the Elton John classic that has become an Idol standard for guys with big voices. If Jorge doesn't go through after this performance, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you people. PLEASE put him through instead of the blind guy! Viva la Jorge!

Lil Rounds - "Be Without You" After being compared to Mary J. Blige by Randy Jackson, why not sing Mary? Lil delivered a solid vocal and defintiely threw down, saying “here's what you're gonna get if you record an album with me.” What a way to close the show. Great dress, great styling, superstar performance. It's gonna be a horse race tonight, folks.

My predictions – I think Lil and Blind Guy are shoo-ins. The third slot could go to either Ju’not or Jorge.

American Idol Wednesdays: Grace and Gokey Lead Top 36 Opening Session

The first 12 lambs of the 36 remaining in the American Idol Season 8 flock were led to the slaughter in front of 25 million or so viewers last night with a two-hour performance show. While I went for a bowl of pork and white bean soup, Pauly elected to injest an entire double-strength cannabis brownie for dinner, and by the time show opener Jackie Tohn took the stage, he had offered his own personal "thumbs up/thumbs down" rating services in between fits of laughter induced by his discovery, only 15 minutes prior, of fmylife.com.

If there is one cardinal rule when it comes to song choice on American Idol that the judges have tried to ram down contestants' throats over the last seven seasons it's this: Girls, don't do Whitney. Guys, don't do Michael. It never works out for anyone. Put more broadly-- don't attempt the big iconic songs when you know your voice just can't handle it. This piece of advice was roundly ignored by this crop of contestants and most of them flamed out spectacularly as they tried on tunes too big for their karaoke-quality voices. However, two singers rose to the top of this field and did so by proving that not only could they handle the big songs, but they could slaythem.

Jackie Tohn - "A Little Less Conversation"

I was totally disappointed in Jackie's schtick-laden, hammy performance when I was expecting some Janis Joplin-meets-Susan Tedeschi soul singing. And what the fuck was going on with that outfit? The corset looked like it was nicked from the wardrobe department of a college production of Grease, and who in their right mind decides that, yeah, shiny black lycra leggings and high-top sneakers will look totally sexy.As for the judges, Randy and Kara thought she really worked the stage and showed us who she is as an artist (seriously?). Paula mumbled something incoherent about falling in love with her, and Simon bluntly went where the others wouldn't, declaring that she blew a good opportunity "by doing something silly rather than doing something good."

"Needs to show more cleavage" said Pauly, but he gave her the thumbs-up anyway. "She could play a lounge at Mandalay Bay. "


Ricky Braddy - "A Song for You"

This guy must have completely slipped by me, because I couldn't remember this North Carolina chicken shack waiter at all from Hollywood Week. Braddy went for a sleepy ballad that showed off his voice but didn't necessarily showcase him as a well-defined artist. Upon hearing the falsetto runs at the end, Pauly gave it a definitive thumbs-down. Sure it was a solid vocal, but will I remember it in 15 minutes, let alone tomorrow? (Answer: no, not really) Kara, Paula and Randy jizzed all over it, proclaming his performance "effortless" and "brilliant" but Simon criticized his lack of star quality (ding ding ding!).

"You're a nice, shy guy with a very good voice." But not a pop star. Next!

Alexis Grace - "Never Loved a Man"

Well, now. Here we go. Everyone's favorite Mormon mom decided to sing Aretha's blues and man did she ever. Grace exectued the song's vocal acrobatics and scat sections with ease and exuded soulful confidence onstage. Even Pauly gave her the thumbs up. While I think she's a shoo-in to advance to the Top 12, I'm less sure about this whole "dirtied up" look she's trying on for the show. I mean, the pink streak in the hair, the red lips, the black slipdress, the costumey long knotted pearls? It all seems a bit misplaced on this delicate little blonde girl with porcelain skin and I'm not sure what message she's trying to send with it.

Brent Keith - "Hick Town"

Hello Mr. Hardworking Struggling Midwesterner trying to make good and earn some money for his family. I bet you have a lot of friends back home that are going to be dialing those phones for you. However, I couldn't hear the actual redneck lyrics to this redneck song, as Pauly spent the duration of Keith's performance singing his own improvised set of redneck-themed lyrics, which detailed his Daddy's trip to county lockup for cooking meth in his trailer.

"I don't think you're going to have any impact with that song whatsoever,"was Simon Cowell's apt assessment of the performance. Our boy went too safe here and it's just not going to cut it when it comes to standing out in this crowd.

Stevie Wright - "You Belong with Me"

Dead in the water from the off-key intro, this will unfortunately mark the end for 17-year old Stevie in the music industry and I'm pretty sure she knew it about halfway through her performance. She had good intentions with selecting a contemporary song by someone her age (Taylor Swift), but her choice not only exposed just how weak her voice was compared to her peers, but showed us no sign whatsoever of the Stevie that nailed "At Last" to the wall back at her initial audition.

"Stevie it was terrible... you looked nervous, out of your depth... there is zero chance of you making it through to the next round after that" said Simon. Ouch. You really can't do much worse than bomb in front of 25 million people during the audition of your life.


Anoop Desai - "Angel of Mine"

Pauly gave Anoop-Dawg's performance a reluctant thumbs up. "Just because I loved him in Slumdog Millionaire." Anoop turned in what was in my opinion, the best male vocal of the night, but my god what a boring-ass song choice! This round is all about standing out from the crowd and picking a mediocre Monica song was the wrong move, especially for a guy who does have the chops to tackle something huge. Based on the vocal, I hope he goes through, but I think the redneck robodialers that are behind guys like Michael Sarver are going to give him a run for his money when it comes to getting votes. Even if he does miss the cut this week, he's a strong contender for the wild card round.

Casey Carlson - "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic"

Pauly gave Carly bonus points for picking the Police, "But too bad it sounds like she's fuckin' singing at a fuckin' high school dance, like when the nerd is about to hook up with the hot chick."

This was total cruise ship karaoke crapola for me. I mean, this was one of the most epically bad song choices ever made by a contestant on American Idol when you really think about it. Alas, the judges had such high hopes for Casey because "she's such a package artist" (read: a really hot girl who can sing), but she pretty much dug her own grave on this one. This drivel was barely good enough for the retirees sipping their margaritas on the Sapphire Princess' Lanai deck. The cutesy faces, the winking... it was just utterly tragic. Score one for the talented ugly people-- the other bikini girl is toast!

Michael Sarver - "I Don't Wanna Be"

Pauly: "I guess this guy could play a fraternity party."

Michael Sarver's Gavin deGraw cover was nothing better than a standard bar band treatment of the song. Sorry oil rig guy. I know you wanted Idol to be your bailout, but after that forgettable performance you're really going to have to hope that the entire state of Oklahoma dialed their ass off for you last night. Remember, kids. It's not just enough to sing it well anymore. That might have worked in Season 2 or 3, but now you're expected to "put your stamp on the song" and he did nothing of the sort here. However... if there's one guy not named Danny Gokey in this group that is going to get the sympathy vote for being a nice guy down on his luck, it's Sarver.


Anne Marie Boskovich - "Natural Woman"

Boskovich went for the song that Kelly Clarkson broke out with back in Season 1 but in this performance, she sounded like she was straining the entire time. Once again, it's just a simple case of a contestant picking a song too big for her voice. Instead of providing her with a breakout moment, on her, the song just didn't fit and she came off like a good wedding singer rather than a future pop superstar. Props for attempting to stand out, but overestimating the strength of her own voice sealed Boskovich's exit from the Idol stage.

(It's also worth noting that at this point, Pauly gave up and decided to watch Apolcalypse Now in the other room. )

Stephen Fowler "Rock With You"

Fowler got in one good high note (though he cracked on it) but everything else about this performance was ordinary and forgettable. I don't see America giving him a third chance after the second chance in Hollywood when he forgot his lyrics at the piano. This was a bad arrangement, an awful song choice...and he blew it. He blew it spectacularly. Damn these two-hour episodes are long. Next!

Tatiana Del Toro - "Saving All My Love for You"

Even doing Whitney, whom you're NOT SUPPOSED TO DO, Tatiana almost got there with the vocal. Almost. But let's get real here. Tatiana is bat shit crazy. She's not going to the Top 12. She's here because she's nuts and got a lot of attention. The vocal was OK, but the whole "desperate to be famous" thing that Simon aptly recognized (um, remember kids, she did bring her demo tape to the initial audition)just mucks up the whole package and makes it impossible for me to see here as a legitimate artist. Who is this girl? Do we really want to watch her fly the freak flag high and proud again? Didn't think so.

Danny Gokey - "Hero"

I believe that Danny Gokey could have showed up last night and taken a shit onstage and he would have been voted through. I mean, the guy's 28 and his wife is dead...he's going to make the Top 12 because America loves a good sob story. This was a safe, even predictable choice for Danny to take on in the first round. The bridge and a strong finish on this one (along with the show-closing slot) coupled with his sympathetic background will probably be more than enough to send him through to the next round. Don't get me wrong-- I didn't think he sucked or anything. It was just safe, and it's really the failure of his peers that ensured his spot in the Top 12.

My predictions as to who will advance: Danny Gokey, Alexis Grace, and I think it's a tossup between Michael Sarver and Anoop-Dawg.

American Idol: Exit the Ringer, Enter the Freaks

Choose me! Love me!

It appears that the jig is up for Season 8 ringer Joanna Pacitti. Within hours of last night's episode in which the Top 36 contestants were revealed, FOX issued a press release stating that it had "been determined that Joanna Pacitti is ineligible to continue in the competition" and that Felicia Barton would be taking her place. Though the network had been extremely upfront about Pacitti's past as a recording artist on A&M/Geffen, they were far more reticent about the her friendship with 19 Entertainment executive Roger Widynowski, who serves as VP of Music and TV Publicity. Once this information was leaked, FOX was forced to disqualify her "to avoid any appearance of impropriety."

Pacitti's rough road in the entertainment industry just got a whole lot worse. While I still believe that she doesn't belong in the competition, this poor girl was just dragged through the ringer of auditioning (or being planted to "audition") for Idol after being dropped by her label, mucking through Hollywood Week (where she seemed to forget more lyrics than she remembered) accepted into the Top 36, and then given the immediate boot once the media had caught on to too much of the story. Ringer or not, Pacitti is a talented girl whom at every turn throughout her 12 years in the business, be it on a Broadway stage or a label marketing meeting, has been told she isn't good enough. I really don't know how many more career blows one person can handle.

Joanna Pacitti may be out, but Nick Mitchell is in... as his alter ego Norman Gentle. Though Simon Cowell clearly disagreed with what has to be some sort of ratings ploy designed to create this year's Sanjaya Malakar, the others officially got behind a guy dressed up in khaki shorts, a lame shirt, a terry-cloth headband and your high school physics teacher's eyeglasses. While I was entertained by Norman's on-his-knees versions of "I am Telling You I'm Not Going" and "Georgia on my Mind," and appreciate Mitchell's audacity in terms of getting his shtick in front of 30 million pairs of eyes, I think his antics will fall embarrassingly flat when we get down to the performance shows. This is still a singing competition, after all.

One thing is for sure-- those freaks over at Vote for the Worst have got to be jizzing in their pants this morning with Norman Gentle, psycho crazypants Tatiana del Toro (above), and weepy emo fag Nathaniel Marshall (o rly, ur druggie momz in jail?) all advancing.

Here's who made it to the Top 36 and will perform in groups of 12 over the next three weeks:

Chicks: Alexis Grace, Allison Iraheta, Ann Marie Boskovich, Arianna Afsar, Casey Carlson, Felicia Barton, Jackie Tohn, Jasmine Murray, Jeanine Vailes, Jessie Langseth, Kendall Beard, Kristen McNamara, Lil Rounds, Megan Corkrey, Mishavonna Henson, Stevie Wright, Tatiana Del Toro and Taylor Vaifanua.

Dudes: Adam Lambert, Alexander Wagner-Trugman, Anoop Desai, Brent Keith, Danny Gokey, Jorge Nunez, Ju'Not Joyner, Kai Kalama, Kris Allen, Matt Breitzke, Matt Giraud, Michael Sarver, Nathaniel Marshall, Nick Mitchell, Ricky Braddy, Scott Macintyre, Stephen Fowler and Von Smith


Among the girls I'm a fan of Jackie Tohn, Megan Corkery and Stevie Wright. With the boys I'm rooting for Anoop-Dogg, Danny Gokey, and the oil rig roughneck guy.

Performances start next week. Who will tank? Who will become an instant iTunes sensation? And what will Ryan Seacrest wear-- the tight graphic T-shirt with a blazer or... the tight graphic T-shirt with the blazer? I'll be waiting with bated breath.

American Idol: Where's the Music, Man?

"Norman Gentle" moments before receiving his golden ticket

Idol was so bad this week I didn't even want to recap it.

The only thing I remotely enjoyed about last week's duo of episodes was watching "Bikini Girl" Katrina Darrell finally get the heave-ho. Because if she got one more nanosecond of camera time I was going to have to launch into one of my rants about skanks like her being atrocious role models for the millions of teenage girls that tune in every week-- showing young women that the best way to get noticed is to parade around practically naked, force a (probably gay) man to make out with you on-camera, and blow off your detractors with bullshit rationalizations like "girls are haters" and "they're just jealous."

Life on the pole isn't that bad, Katrina. You can still make some good money for a few years before gravity takes hold and you'll be relegated to the afternoon shift. Just don't get into meth.

I'm really disappointed to say it since I'm obviously a fan of the show, but the truth is, Idol has been bad so far this season. Really bad. A once and future stripper with a mediocre voice, a contestant who has already had an album chart on Billboard and the presence of comedian Nick Mitchell and his bespectacled alter ego "Norman Gentle" in Hollywood Week have been the major stories so far. Not the talent. And when they do get around to, you know, actually showcasing some voices, it's been less about how the contestants are singing and more about their tragedy-laced backgrounds.

I just want to hear some music, dammit. Is that really too much to ask for between all the product placements?

So who got the boot this week as half of our 150 Hollywood hopefuls were sent packing? After auditioning with a searing rendition of "Barracuda," Emily Wynne-Hughes went 0 for 2 in Tinseltown, botching a No Doubt song and blanking on her lyrics during her group performance of Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop." Jessica Furney arrived at the Kodak Theatre looking much as she did at her audition in Kansas and barely got a lick of airtime before being cut in the first round, despite turning out one of the best initial auditions of the whole bunch. Told ya she'd need the glamazon makeover to survive despite her Kelly Clarkson-esque vocal chops. And poor little orphan Rose Flack was cut after forgetting her lyrics during the group number. Oh well, see you on Phish tour, Rose!

This week, the 75 remaining Idols are whittled down to the Top 36 which will advance to the performance shows. That list has been leaked all over the internet, and of course, contains more than a few surprises.

Until then...

American Idol: A Rose by Any Other Name

Who's got my molly?

Seriously, can we get to Hollywood Week already?

FOX must have been thinking the same thing, as this week, the torture of auditions finally finished up. We got three episodes this week as the judging quartet of Simon, Paula, Randy, and Kara hit up Salt Lake City, Jacksonville, New York, and San Juan, Puerto Rico. Everyone from High School Musical 3 extras, to aspiring nudists, to an actual Osmond family member showed up in the hopes of grabbing their golden ticket. That and an abundance of orphans, teen mothers, and disease survivors to tug at your fragile heartstrings. Here's who I think we'll be hearing from again:

Change100's Top 5 Idols to Watch: Audition Week 3 (Salt Lake/Jacksonville/NYC/San Juan)

5. Jasmine Murray. I wasn't exactly blown away by her rendition of the dreadful tune "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie, but I know something commercial when I see it. Meet the new black Disney girl, America. If 16-year old Jasmine doesn't survive the American Idol Top 12 this season, she'll be signing a deal to star in the new series The Magicians of MLK Boulevard or something of that ilk.

4. Rose Flack. Who doesn't love a 17-year old hippie orphan from Idaho? Adorable little Rose is sure to become Coventry's new favorite Idol contestant. Though she stepped into the audition room shoeless, her dirt-caked feet straight out of the lot of a String Cheese show, Simon thought she looked marvelous and her soulful rendition of Carole King's "I Feel the Earth Move" made me think she could be an edgier, less squeaky-clean version of last year's fifth-place finisher, Brooke White. And, if we don't see you on Idol, Rose-- see you on Phish tour! We'll save you some pharmies!

3. Jorge Nunez. A tenor with gorgeous natural technique, he bowled over the judges with a version of "My Way" en espanol. Nunez has the potential to be hugely commercial and has a confidence about him that I really haven't seen too much this season. Now here's someone who can go to town during Gloria Estefan week!

2. Megan Corkery. Little Megan is only 23, already getting divorced, and the mother of a 2-year old son. When she announced she was singing "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man" I braced myself for a horror show, but instead was introduced to a standout jazz voice, complete with a crackling scat. I don't know how it will be for her to handle some of the big pop ballads that come with the AI territory, but I'm truly excited to see her do more. Gotta root for a talented Mormon mom getting out of a bad marriage!

1. Jackie Tohn. Jackie is a veteran who has been playing gigs for 10 years and you can tell it immediately from the ease she had about her when she walked into the room. She has rare combination of infectous energy and a gritty, smoky voice that reveals both depth and gravitas. I hope she's heard of a little band called Grace Potter & the Nocturnals because those are some perfect songs for her.

Hollywood Week finally kicks off on Tuesday night, where our 160-or-so hopefuls will be whittled down to only a few dozen. Let's get rrrrrrrreadddy for rejectionnnnnnn!!!

American Idol: Enter the Ringer

Season 8 contestant Joanna Pacitti, no stranger to the red carpet

Last season, we came to discover that Irish lassie Carly Smithson once had a recording contract. So did Kristy Lee Cook, as a teen. And so did Aussie rocker Michael Johns. None of this was really mentioned upfront, and one could argue that especially in the case of Smithson, that the Idol producers did all they could to hide their "amateur" contestant's professional background.

So this year, when a young woman who has starred in a Broadway show, recorded an album on a major label, had that record debut on the Billboard charts at #31, and contributed songs to half a dozen major motion picture soundracks decides that her career has floundered so badly that her best option is to audition for American Idol, it begs a very important question.

When it comes to the ringers, where do you draw the line?

Well let me tell you this. I had actually heard of Joanna Pacitti before she got her golden ticket to Hollywood. Yes, me, the same girl who had yet to hear a Jonas Brothers song before two days ago when I was sitting in an airport in Santiago, Chile of all places. I remembered Pacitti from when she went by the singular name Joanna, and performed at a New York City rally for then-Presidential candidate Howard Dean in the summer of 2003. A couple of years before that, she had a song on the Legally Blonde soundtrack. OK, if that was it, I could probably forgive Idol for letting a not-even one hit wonder have a shot at the show. But that wasn't even close to the totality of Pacitti's showbiz experience.

In 1996, Pacitti earned the title role in the 20th-anniversary Broadway produciton of Annie. She went on a pre-Broadway tour and got mostly positive reviews over the course of her 106 performances. Then, only a few weeks before the New York opening, she got bronchitis and had to sit out a few shows. One of the little orphan girls from the chorus learned her part and the producers liked her so much better in the role that they decided to fire 12-year old Joanna. So, her parents turned around and sued the producers for $50 million and told their story to any media outlet that would listen. Here's Joanna on the Barbara Walters-hosted Turning Point. Proceed with caution... I take no responsibility for the gagging this clip may induce:



Four years (and, I imagine, a significant amount of therapy) later, 16-year old Joanna moved out to L.A. by herself to pursue a music career and was signed to A&M Records by producer Ron Fair, who discovered Christina Aguilera among others. She got the aforementioned song on the Legally Blonde soundtrack and over the next five years became a veritable tween movie soundtrack staple, contributing songs to Cadet Kelly, First Daughter, Nancy Drew and Bratz. Pacitti released her debut album This Crazy Life in the summer of 2006 and it debuted on the Billboard charts at #31. The album quickly tanked, though and a year later, her label dropped her. She then started dating some dude from Dancing with the Stars and has appeared in the odd tabloid item as recently as last year.

Ah, another teen starlet that almost was. The L.A. basin is littered with them. Some, like Jodie Sweetin, become meth-heads. Others, like Family Matters' Jaimee Foxworth, end up in Chatsworth doing porn under the stage name "Crave." And now, the Joanna Pacittis of the world are finding that their last best career option may be getting in line with 10,000 of America's finest freaks to audition for Idol's judging quartet.

But, seriously-- where do you draw the line? Number of albums sold? The size of the audiences they've been paid to play to? I mean, 30 seconds of Google research will tell you that Joanna once opened for Sheryl Crow for Christ's sake.

This is not to deny Pacitti's talent. She has a helluva voice that I'm guessing is probably a lot better than the teenybopper drivel she once recorded. I'd love to hear her shred some Pat Benatar or Heart tunes on a weekly basis. And after a decade of post-college life in and around the entertainment business, I understand the sheer amount of mindfucks and rejection she has had to deal with in her short life.

But does she belong in this competition? No. This is a girl who has had a more than decade-long career in the industry who has fallen on hard times in the last year. She had her shot. American Idol is about finding someone who hasn't.

OK, enough about Joanna. At least the controversy surrounding her added something interesting to the show this week. Because lemme tell you, the talent this week was thin. These two episodes were full of freakshows and train wrecks interspersed with very few palatable auditions. Nevertheless, here are my top 5 picks from this week.

Change100's Top 5 Idols to Watch: Audition Week 2 (San Francisco/Louisville)

5. Adam Lambert Here's another borderline ringer-- this kid has already been on Broadway in Wicked! Lambert has a brilliant tenor, though and a commercial David Cook-esque look, and could be Top 12 material if he tones down the music theatre phrasing and affectation.

4. Matt Giraud A dueling piano player from Kalamazoo, Michigan, Giraud could be this year's R&B white boy a la previous contestants Elliot Yamin and Blake Lewis.

3. Kai Kalama *SOB STORY ALERT* This struggling musician cares for his ailing mother during the day and plays gigs at night (sniff). Loving the thick, soulful voice, but Kara and Simon are dead-on when they say he has to work on his charisma.

2. Alexis Grace Wow, they do get started young in the South. 21-year old Grace is already a mother of a 2-year old boy, lives in Memphis, and has a husband who is away at military school. But man did she impress with Aretha Franklin's "Dr. Feelgood" exploding out of her lungs like a freight train. She, too has an incredibly commercial look (though is in dire need of some clothes NOT purchased at Wal-Mart) and could likely sing across a variety of genres.

1. Leneshe Young *SOB STORY ALERT* 18-year old Leneshe was raised in and out of homeless shelters by a single mom . She is also possibly the only contestant in Idol history who successfully sang an original song. She's got spunk, a huge voice, is a decent songwriter and is a rags-to-riches story waiting to happen. Welcome to the Top 12, Leneshe.

Two weeks in and I'm already anxious to get to Hollywood. This Tuesday and Wednesday's shows will bring us more audition footage from Jacksonville (where Ryan Seacrest apparently drives a golf cart into a swamp) and to Salt Lake City where the Idol crew goes in search of more Twinkie Mormons in the hometown of David Archuleta. Until then!

American Idol, Year Eight

He didn't make it, but he does have his own cheerleaders

"Does this shit matter anymore?"

This is the question that ran across my brain like a ticker tape as I watched the Golden Globe Awards last Sunday night. I used to eat up awards season like a decadent slice of cake. Watching the stars prance down a red carpet dressed in the world's most expensive designer finery actually got me off at one point in time. At work, pageants like this were seen as the ultimate reward for a D-girl's years of underpaid office toiling. This was supposed to be the dream, man.

Watching the Globes this year, I felt much like I did when I returned to work on September 12, 2001. The world was in such crisis that none of this mattered anymore. How could I possibly care about feeding the Big Man's boundless ego, working toward making films that would get him those kind of nominations and further feeding that ego in the process? When the world is falling to pieces around us, was entertainment even relevant anymore?

Entertainment has always been a distraction from crises. The most successful film in history, Gone With the Wind came out at the dawn of World War II. And in the aftermath of 9/11, reality TV boomed, broad comedies ruled at the box office, and on the FOX network, a little singing contest debuted in June 2002 as a replacement series in the ratings-dead summer season. Eight seasons later, it's still a ratings behemoth.

Oooooh whoa oooooh whoa!! American Idol is back, and just in time to ease the pain of worldwide financial crisis! Save us, Simon Cowell. Help us forget the pain of opening up those credit card bills with 29% juice and notcies of our falling 401(k) balances. Give us a pithy quip. Make fun of people whose lack of talent and utter cluelessness makes them deserve it. Let us say to each other, "Thank God we're not like them!"

But here's the thing. I love American Idol. I love it for exactly what it is-- highly addictive fluff that is the ultimate distraction and does so unapologetically. Idol is crystal meth for anyone who ever starred in their high school musical or sang a solo in church, or brought down the house on karaoke night and ever dared to dream of a life of stardom. Even for just a minute, before coming back to earth. Performer or not, tone-deaf or pitch-perfect, there's something of that in all of us. And that's what keeps the American Idol train running season after season. I mean, let's face it. Idol isn't about the end result anymore. We all know that the winner will release their album maybe six months or a year later before losing their recording contract and beginning the slow fade into oblivion. But now, in the eighth year of the show, the real story and the real entertainment is found on the journey. In journalism, they call it a process story, and Idol is one long, juicy page-turner of a six-month process story.

Pass the cake.

Supposedly, there will be fewer "audition" episodes this year though this week featured performers from only the first two of the eight cities where auditions were held this fall. Tuesday's episode took us to Phoenix while Wednesday night's installment featured Kansas City, which no doubt earned its spot on the audition tour by virtue of producing last year's winner, David Cook. We were also introduced to the new judge, "superstar hitmaker" Kara DioGuardi, who thus far appears to be an intelligent, measured voice on the panel.

In the audition room there were, of course, great surprises and total horror shows. People cried, people stomped, people's relatives quaked with excitement as their loved ones came through the door with golden tickets. Here's who impressed me:

Change100's Top 5 Idols to Watch: Audition Week 1 (Phoenix/Kansas City)

5. Jessica Furney. The redhead from Kansas who lives with her mostly deaf 93-year old grandmother, Furney has a sick voice, but will sadly have to undergo a serious makeover if she wants to make the Top 12. Will a bunch of Idol flackers give her a trendy haircut, strip her of the geek glasses and "suggest" she hit the gym? I don't care what she does, I just want to hear her sing some more.

4. Stevie Wright. Named after Stevie Nicks (and she makes sure to let us know that several times), Wright lived up to her name with her rendition of Etta James' "At Last." Not only did she have the balls to take on a song that difficult, but she slayed it and did so effortlessly.

3. Emily Wynne-Hughes. Wynne-Hughes showed up at the audition with tragic platinum hair streaked with pink and yellow dye but sang the hell out of "Barracuda" to earn her ticket to Hollywood. Now that's a song with a 10 on the difficulty level and she nailed it to the wall.

2. Danny Gokey. Gokey and his best friend Jamal Rogers auditioned for the show together and both got through to Hollywood. A music teacher from Wisconsin, he lost his wife only four weeks before the audition. Seriously, I don't know how he fucking got out of bed let alone traveled hundreds of miles to try out for Idol given those circumstances. Gokey, though, has this throaty, soulful quality to his voice that could adapt across a wide song catalog. I'm not only rooting for him but predict him to go deep.

1. Lil Rounds. Yeah, that's her real name and she's lovin' it. Blessed with the vocal chops of a young Aretha, Rounds' home was recently ravaged by a tornado, forcing her to move her family into Memphis' version of the Redneck Riviera. With the combination of a tragic background story and the talent to potentially lift herself up from it, Rounds is easily the early front-runner.

Honorable Mentions: Deanna Brown (think Grace Slick meets Janis Joplin), Scott MacIntyre (blind dude who tore up Billy Joel's "And So It Goes"), and Von Smith (who did a totally overwrought rendition of "Over the Rainbow" but has one helluva instrument).

Next week will take us to Louisville and Salt Lake City (home of David Archuleta, a Mormon, and lots of other Mormons) before heading to Jacksonville, Puerto Rico, New York City, and San Francisco.

Agree/disagree with my favorites? Leave your thoughts in the comments!

American Idol Wrap-Up: David Cook Wins One for the Rockers

As you all know by now, 25-year old St. Louis bartender David Cook defied the early oddsmakers and won the seventh season of American Idol in a 12 million vote landslide. Even my own mother confessed to voting for him upwards of 80 times on Tuesday night.

I was able to catch the performance show on Tuesday, just as I'd arrived in the Crescent City to cover the final table of the WSOP-C New Orleans. The Wednesday finale results show, I unfortunately missed out on, though I got several phone calls from people letting me know that Cook had won. When I finally caught the episode on DVR when I got home, just as Ryan Seacrest was announcing "The WINNER of A-MERican Idol 2008... IS!... DAVID!..." the recording cut off literally at that very instant. Thank God for You Tube.

I'm thrilled David Cook won and look forward to watching his career take off. If he finds Chris Daughtry-like success on the charts, it'll surely be a boost for the show, which has been contending with sagging ratings for the past two seasons. I'm sure the folks at 19 Entertainment are thrilled by Cook's win too, as he is by far the more "manageable" winner. I think those guys must have been sweating bullets over the last few weeks thinking about dealing with Scary Stage Daddy full-time had David Archuleta taken the title.

As we wrap up this season of American Idol (as well as American Idol Wednesdays), I'll leave you with my two favorite David Cook performances from this season.

Cook first emerges from the Idol pack with this cover of Lionel Richie's "Hello":



Cook sings Chris Cornell's arrangement of Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean":

American Idol Wednesdays: A David vs. David Finale

Kelly vs. Justin. Reuben vs. Clay. Fantasia vs. Diana. Carrie vs. Bo. Taylor vs. Katharine. Jordin vs. Blake. And now, David vs. David. I've watched them all-- from witnessing Kelly Clarkson tearfully warble "A Moment Like This" while sitting in the living room of my first L.A. apartment, to last night's unfortunate boxing-themed duel of the Davids, which I caught from a New Orleans hotel room. Of the seven American Idol finales, only two have been truly competitive-- season two's, which pitted a 350 lb. "velvet teddy bear" against a skinny nerd from North Carolina with a golden voice that defied his awkward appearance, and last night's David vs. David affair, where despite the pundits' and oddsmakers' predictions that Cook would take the title, it was really anyone's game.

Unfortunately for these two talented men, the Idol producers decided to kick off their final night of competition with cheeseball introduction that bore a boxing motif, complete with the "Let's get rrrrrready to rrrummmmmbbbblle!" dude in the announcer's role. Ohmygod did they really make those poor kids come out and wear silk boxing robes and gloves as they were introduced to the crowd? Well, yeah. It is FOX, after all.

David Archuleta, or "little David" as Seacrest branded him, won the coin toss and smartly elected to sing second. And once they touched gloves (really), it was time to strip off the robes and get on with the show. Each David had three songs with which to wow the voters. Their first number was chosen for them by music mogul Clive Davis. For the second one, the contestants chose a new song from the 20 finalists' entries into the American Idol songwriting contest. And for the third, it was the contestants' choice. In past seasons, many of the Idols have chosen that slot to reprise one of their best performances from a past episode. Others have chosen something entirely new to them.

"This is duel, baby. For the KING of the Nokia Theatre!" bellowed Randy Jackson as the starting bell rang.

CLIVE DAVIS' CHOICE

David Cook "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" Cook's take on the U2 classic started off softly, with a single electric guitar accompanying him on the first verse and it slowly built to an anthemic conclusion. It was a solid vocal treatment by Cook, but honestly, he didn't do anything terribly interesting with the song and it never hit a real high point for him. Though he was in far better voice than last week, I think Cook could have done a bit more re-arranging on the song instead of sticking so closely to the original. Maybe a 7 out of 10 for this first round.

David Archuleta "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" For the first time all competition, David Archuleta looked like a scared little boy as he sat on the steps of the stage, singing the first verse and I was reminded that holy shit... this kid is only 17. I'm not the biggest Clay Aiken fan (we'll leave that title to my mother), but Archuleta didn't do nearly the job with the song that Aiken did five seasons ago. Despite Randy, Paula, and Simon's fawning comments at the end, I thought he looked like he was trying to hard, even shouting to be heard in parts of it. Simon declared Round 1 to Archuleta, but I think it was more of a draw.

THE (GOD-AWFUL) NEW SONGS

David Cook "Dream Big" Yay, he brought out the axe! Of course the songs they're trotting out this round are going to be pretty lousy if past seasons are any sort of indicator, but Cook's rocked-up version of "Dream Big" wasn't half bad, given that it was a below-average composition and he got in a NICE money note at the end. Despite the corniness of the song, I thought this was one of his best vocals ever. But was the song itself strong enough to be the winner's single and get it's fair share of radio airplay? That's debatable.

David Archuleta "In this Moment" Of course he picked a cheeseball pop ballad, firmly entrenched in the adult contemporary genre. He delivered a predictably good vocal while donning a predictably trendy blazer with a patch. But dude... the song itself sucked serious ass, despite Simon's assessment that Archuleta chose the better song. He declared Round 2 to Archuleta, but this time I disagree... it was Cook all the way.

CONTESTANT'S CHOICE

David Cook "The World I Know" Cook chose a Collective Soul song which he admitted in his pre-performance chat with Ryan Seacrest that he had never sung before. He brought out an acoustic guitar and went into a slightly more downtempo version of the original that I thought really showed off his vocal colors. Tearing up and breaking down a bit after the final chords, Randy Jackson praised his performance, loving that his choice allowed the "sensitive side" of David Cook, to shine. As for Simon, he noted that Cook is "one of the nicest, most sincere contestants we've had... but I'm going to be honest, it was completely the wrong song choice for the night. You should have sung 'Billie Jean' or 'Hello.'" And perhaps he's right. While "The World I Know" would have been a great pick for Cook during the regular season, the better third-round play would have been to trot out something familiar that the audience already loved and could readily identify. I would have gone for the Lionel Richie song, personally.

David Archuleta "Imagine" Archuleta made a shrewd choice for his final performance, picking the song he performed the best all season, and also selecting something he's sung for ages and is obviously comfortable with. A great choice and a strong performance, as this is the one that's going to be stuck in the mind of America at the show's conclusion. "You are exactly what this show is about... and the best singer of season 7 is right there!"said Randy. "You came out here tonight to win, and what we've witnessed is a knockout" opined Simon as Archuleta held back tears of joy.

David Archuleta truly wanted to win this competition... almost as much as his Scary Stage Daddy wanted it for him. It's not like David Cook phoned it in or anything last night but let's remember-- Cook auditioned on a whim...he was only at the auditions to support his brother when the producers picked him out of the crowd to sing for the judges. Archuleta, on the other hand, has been dissecting the show since he was 10 years old.

If Dial Idol, the various pundits, and the public momentum is to be believed, David Cook will be crowned our seventh American Idol tonight and Otis and I will push our bet.

But that's fine with me if a rocker finally wins.

American Idol Wednesdays: Syesha Slips, Cook Cracks, and Boy Wonder Sails Toward the Finals

Usually, the semi-finals is my favorite Idol show of the year, as this is when the final three contestants really turn things up in order to ensure themselves a spot in the finals. This is the night when many contestants hit their high point, creating that "signature" moment for themselves that will be etched in Idol history. Remember Katharine McPhee's gorgeous version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow?" Semi-finals. Melinda Doolittle finally hitting her stride with a cover of Tina Turner's "Nutbush City Limits?" Ditto. Taylor Hicks ripping up "Try a Little Tenderness" when Paula picked it for him in the Judges' Choice round? If you've been saving up a song that's gonna blow the doors off the place, this is the night to unleash it.

This year? Not so much.

Syesha Mercado, David Cook, and David Archuleta all looked positively exhausted last night, and each one phoned in at least one of the three songs they were required to perform. Some might argue that well, how could they not, after a week that had them making whirlwind trips back to their hometowns, doing a shitload of local press while they were there, and then having to learn and/or re-arrange three songs on top of that? Everyone's voice was fried to a degree, most notably David Cook, who in my opinion turned out some of his weakest performances of the season. But this is the semi-finals, kids. The most important moment of your young careers. You'd better have something ready.

As I mentioned before, each contestant had to sing three songs this week-- one chosen by the judges, one chosen by the American Idol producers, and one of their own choice.

JUDGES CHOICE

David Archuleta "And So it Goes" Paula Abdul made this selection for Boy Wonder, who chose a very spare, largely string arrangement to back him up on the Billy Joel classic. To his credit, Archuleta handled the tricky, difficult melody almost effortlessly, though it wasn't exactly the most forward-thinking choice of song for an emerging young pop artist. I thought Randy Jackon's assessment was right on-- that it would have been cool to see Archuleta do it at the piano, accompanying himself. A predictably solid effort from Archuleta.

Syesha Mercado "If I Ain't Got You" Syesha certainly dressed the part of a superstar diva in a gold floor length beaded gown for this performance. I was really surprised how well she handled the song. This is not an easy track and it's so readily identifiable with Alicia Keys-- the main problem with Randy Jackson's song choice for her. It gave Mercado a serious handicap going into her first minute forty-five onstage that night. Just getting through it with a couple of nice runs and melodic adjustments was a formidable feat, but it just didn't sizzle enough onstage to give her much help in overcoming her underdog status at this final stage the competition.

David Cook "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" Simon Cowell chose this for Cook, wanting something"different" for him as well as to give him the opportunity to re-arrange it, not to mention seeing how he'd handle such a challenging melody. The result was...meh. Cook's voice was exhausted enough, but this song drew even more attention to that fact, showing off every crack in his armor. It built to a nice conclusion but the verse was very pitchy. Cowell's choice was a bit of an odd one for Cook, or really any rocker that doesn't have the crystalline voice of a Freddie Mercury. I'd rather have heard something that enhances that throaty growl in his throat than something that unfortunately showed off its limitations.

CONTESTANT'S CHOICE

David Archuleta "With You" "16 year old girls who like John Mayer will like this song."-- Pauly.

Boy Wonder went a younger, more modern R&B route with this song, and though it was pretty damn awkward hearing him sing lyrics like "my boo", Archuleta (and/or Stage Daddy) actually made a brilliant choice for himself. This kind of clean, sickeningly marketable radio-friendly pop that makes all the little girls scream is exactly the shit he's gonna make when he wins Idol and this was our sneak preview. Does this mean I enjoyed his performance? Not at all. This kind of shit makes me want to stick bamboo shoots up my fingernails while waterboarding a kitten. As Simon Cowell said "It was a little bit like a chihuahua trying to be a tiger." Well... yeah. This poor little Mormon twinkie is getting all this female attention and the fact that he feels nothing must be weirding him out!

Syesha Mercado "Fever" This may go down as one of the most brain-dead song choices in Idol history. I mean, how many smarter, less played-out songs are out there if Syesha wanted to do a more jazzy number? Does it show off her voice? No. Does it tell me what kind of record she's going to make ? Not really. Was it contemporary at all? Not in the least. This was too stagey, too cruise ship, too late-night-lounge at a fading Vegas hotel. This song bleeds "cabaret." And we all know how bad it is to be called "cabaret" on American Idol. And not only was she called "cabaret," but Simon called it "lame cabaret."

"I think you'll come to regret this" said Cowell, in his closing remarks. No shit.

David Cook "Dare You to Move" Cook picked a song by the San Diego band Switchfoot, which, evidently 5 people in the audience had heard of. It was an OK alt-rock song with a decent hook and Cook's treatment of it provided a fair forecast for what his record will sound like. Again, though, the theme emerging for Cook tonight is to be the wear and tear that is becoming really apparent in his voice. Pitchy and scratchy again.

PRODUCER'S CHOICE

David Archuleta "Longer" Snoooooooozefest! What is this, some awful wedding from 1983? On Boy Wonder's return to ballad-land, even he seemed to be phoning it in. I mean seriously, the producers picked this? WTF?

Syesha Mercado "Hit Me Up" What the fuck is this song? It has no melody... it keeps changing tempos... I'm getting a headache... Seriously, a Beyonce/Rhianna kind of thing isn't gonna work on her. With this song not working for her, that makes two out of three totally busto performances from Syesha this week. It looks like Ms. Mercado's ship has sailed. She hit her high point last week with "A Change is Gonna Come" and didn't even come close to hitting that mark again this week. Syesha needed a big-time surprise in order to keep herself in contention and have any hope of overcoming the Davids in the vote. Instead, she'll have to settle for this season's bronze medal. And hopefully, a Broadway show.

David Cook "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" This song always makes me think of one of cinematic history's true low points-- the animal crackers scene with Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler in Armageddon. So again, not any sort of personal favorite here. I thought the arrangement was a little contrived and overblown, but after Syesha's bomb-a-rama night, it was certainly enough to get him into the finals. Oh and look, it's Diane Warren in the audience... ya think that might have been why they picked it?

Contestants whom Dial Idol is definitively predicting to be in the finals: David Cook, David Archuleta.

Latest American Idol Alumni to release an album: Season 6 sixth-place finisher Phil Stacey.

Current Bodog odds on the remaining contestants:

David Cook 5-12
David Archuleta 19-10
Syesha Mercado 50-1

Odds of me freerolling on my bet with Otis by tonight at 10 p.m. PDT: Spectacular.

American Idol: David Archuleta's Father Banned from Backstage

Boy Wonder and Stage Daddy Pose for US Weekly

American Idol has finally had it with David Archuleta's scary stage daddy. Boy Wonder's father, Jeff Archuleta, had his backstage pass revoked this week after his Mama Rose antics went one step too far.

According to TMZ's report (they broke it and the AP caught up this morning), Jeff Archuleta, in addition to being somewhat of a lunatic and a total nuisance to virtually everyone involved in the production from producers to vocal coaches, to the other contestants, has now cost the show a tidy sum after urging his son to insert a lyric from Sean Kingston's "Beautiful Girls" into his performance of "Stand By Me" last week. As these things need to be cleared through music publishers and lawyers, his little improvisation ended up costing FOX a tidy sum. Archuleta Sr. was summoned before Idol's legal team the next day and was told in that meeting that he was done with his backstage antics.

The AP tried to reach Jeff Archuleta for comment, but he is refusing interview requests and has disconnected his home phone in Utah.

In other news, David Archuleta's odds to win have gone up to 7-5, from 2-1 earlier in the week. Told 'ya to be the farm then!

American Idol Wednesdays: In Which Dreadlock Boy Forgets the Lyrics and Syesha Surprises Us

"In the...eh muh mehnuh meh muh"

With only two weeks left until America votes in their new Idol, every performance counts. Every song choice counts. There's no more skating by, no more flying under the radar. Such a strategy has proven to be a winning one this season, with both Syesha Mercado and Jason Castro squeezing out enough votes to get them into the Top 4, while more well-defined artists like Carly Smithson and Brooke White fell by the wayside. Mercado has emerged as the competition's true dark horse, discovering a soul-meets-Broadway jazz vibe that suits her far better than the overblown pop ballads she tried on early in the competition. Castro, however just couldn't find it within himself to step it up, and has likely strummed his guitar for the last time upon the Idol stage.

Ladies and gentlemen, your Top 4:

David Cook "Hungry Like the Wolf", "Baba O'Riley" All goateed and scruffy, donning the requisite leather jacket, Cook gave the audience a decent rendition of the Duran Duran hit, pausing to grab a few teenage hands as he strode across the stage. But that's just what it was... decent. Totally competent but equally as ordinary and nothing we're going to remember tomorrow morning. Then, after basically confessing to phoning it in during his "chat" with Ryan Seacrest, he brought out "Baba O'Riley", and the Cook we know and love was back. The arrangement was quietly intense-- holding back in the first half with organ and strings taking the place of the verse's signature electric power chord hook, and then turning the volume up on the chorus, Cook picking up the axe and letting his voice soar on the money notes. Cook also pointed out that the song had never been done on the show and you know what? That gets him even more points in my book. A great find and another memorable performance.

David Archuleta "Stand By Me", "Love Me Tender"
"Stand By Me" was actually a great song choice for Archuleta and I liked the spare arrangement with just bass, bongos, and background singers. Oh, and a triangle (for that ding! punctuating each phrase). He manipulated the melody just enough and got in some nice runs. It was also appropriate for him, which is more than I can say for his second song, "Love Me Tender." Look, I'm just not into underage gay boys singing love songs, what can I say? Fortunately for him, 11-14 year old girls are. I think at this point, it would take Wonder Boy being struck down by a meteor or kidnapped by a rabid band of Jason Castro superfans to prevent him from going to the finals. He's gonna win this thing.

Syesha Mercado "Proud Mary", "A Change is Gonna Come" "This song has been covered over one hundred times. That's a lot!" -- Syesha Mercado

And that's just on iTunes, baby. So... after choosing a song that you yourself admit has been done to death, what in the name of all that is holy possesses you to decide to attempt the Tina Turner dance. And not just any Tina Turner dance. The Tina Turner dance. However you do it, if you are not, indeed Tina Turner, you're gonna look like a wannabe. Amateurish. Cruise-ship ready. Chorus girl in Legally Blonde: The Musical. Then there's the matter of the too-short gold lame dress (God help her should she ever decide to get out of a limo in it). Ditto the cheeseball band-on-the-stage arrangement. It was all very "Legends in Concert" at the Imperial Palace for me. Syesha has definitely been stepping up her game over the last several weeks, and this performance was an unfortunate detour. But... the Idols had two songs tonight. And on Syesha's second choice "A Change is Gonna Come", she blew the doors off the place. It was the first time I got chills from her since her Hollywood Week audition. It was a beautiful, supple vocal that showed off her soaring belt in just the right range. I don't know who shit in Randy's oatmeal this morning... it was probably her best performance to date. I'm still very happy with my side of my bet with Otis, but Syesha went a long way tonight toward perhaps pulling what would be one of Idol's most stunning upsets ever.

Jason Castro "I Shot the Sheriff", "Mr. Tambourine Man" Wow. I mean wowwwwww. I haven't seen such a pile of musical roadkill on Idol since... well, since Castro completely obliterated "Memory" during Andrew Lloyd Webber week. Dreadlock Boy proved tonight that he has entirely overstayed his welcome on the show. Randy called his Bob Marley cover a "karaoke bomb" and I think he was being kind. Simon's "utterly atrocious" was far more apt. Then there was the matter of "Mr. Tambourine Man" where Castro committed perhaps the worst offense possible from an AI contestant-- he forgot the lyrics. And not just a word or two. We're talking several lines where he quite literally substituted "eh muh mehnuh meh muh" for Dylan's verse. Seriously, I've seen better performances from strung-out wookies in the Bonnaroo parking lot and an 11-year old busker outside a surf shop in Byron Bay (he could play the violin and remembered his words). Goddammit, I expect more from my Top 4! But you know what? All things considered, here's what I admire about what Castro did not only tonight, but throughout the competition. While Simon and Randy completely ass-raped him with their criticism, he just stood there, smiled, looked charming, and gazed into the eyes of teenage girls across America. Now that's knowing your audience.

Order in which I (still) think they'll finish:

4. Jason Castro
3. Syesha Mercado
2. David Cook
1. David Archuleta

Current Bodog odds on the remaining contestants:

David Archuleta 2-1 (OMG can you say value? if I had a Bodog account I'd bet the farm.)
David Cook 1-2
Jason Castro 25-1
Syesha Mercado 30-1 (poor Otis...)

Brooke White Rides into the Sunset, Paula Sees the Future

I think Brooke knew she was going home. There was a certain resignation on her face as she took the stage for her final cheesy group number, the five remaining Idols paying homage to their mentor-of-the-week Neil Diamond (who coincidentally has a new album coming out, imagine that!) An undeniably talented performer who perhaps understood the entire time that her Carly Simon vibe wouldn't ever earn her the title of top vote-getter among the under-14 demographic that drives this competition, White went as far as she could, and turned out perhaps one of her best performances in her final week with Diamond's classic "I am, I Said."

But in true Idol fashion, it wasn't Brooke's ouster that grabbed headlines this week. Everyone's favorite space case Paula Abdul must have popped a double dose of those pharmies this week, sending herself into some alternate universe where Jason Castro had sung two songs when he had only sung one at that point. Awkward!

We've now reached a final four consisting of a precocious balladeer, a commerical rocker, a dreadlocked coffeehouse refugee, and a Broadway-bound soul singer. Otis has proven to be dead-on in his assessment that Jason Castro was one helluva value bet at the 35-1 odds he was going at three weeks ago to win, and his ultimate pick to win, Syesha, is finally finding her groove after spending most of the competition just under the radar. I still believe, though, that the finale will be a battle of the Davids, unfortunately with Boy Wonder Archuleta becoming our eighth American Idol. Tragic, I know, but mark my words.

Here's how our final five fared this week:

Jason Castro “Forever in Blue Jeans”, “September Morn”: The first verse of "Forever in Blue Jeans" sat way too low in his voice. There were no fireworks at all! This was something you might hear some wookie playing on Venice Beach for tips inside his guitar case. Wake up, Jason! You're in the final five!

Then Paula thinks Castro has sung twice. Dude... what kind of pharmacy is she holding in that bag?

When he does actually get to his second song, it’s completely static and boring, filled with a lot of pitchy passages and flat notes. Castro wasn't playing in the big leagues with this effort. He’s back to acting like he doesn’t care. Maybe he doesn't. He pretty much shot himself in the foot with his performance tonight, but there's no doubt his rapid fan base will buoy him for another week.

David Cook “I’m Alive”, “All I Really Need is You” I didn't recognize these songs at all-- evidently they're a couple of lesser known Diamond B-sides. Cook gave "I’m Alive" a nice, if unspectacular treatment that was redeemed with a catchy hook on the choruses. The second song was much better-- a focused, radio-ready professional effort. Cook took on great arrangements that made both songs relevant to modern pop music and showed us two sides of his personality while maintaining a consistent aesthetic. At this point he's punched his ticket to the finals and I'm excited about what he'll turn out.

Brooke White “I’m a Believer”, “I Am, I Said” Brooke seemed overwhelmed by the melody on "I’m a Believer." It really was one of her weakest vocals and I had no clue why she chose to play her acoustic guitar behind such a heavily electric arrangement. Ooh, looks like Paula’s pharmies kicked in again... she’s up and dancing. I don't know, I just wasn’t into it... and it didn't look like she was either. "I Am I Said" though was more of the old Brooke that has the talent to get this far. She really connected to the song, and handled the difficult melody with the skill we all know she has. A fitting send-off for Ms. White and a nice note for America to remember her on.

David Archuleta “Sweet Caroline”, “America” "Sweet Caroline" actually made me smile. This is maybe the first thing I’ve kind of liked from him– in the way that I like schticky karaoke shit. I mean, how can anyone NOT like "Sweet Caroline", even when the drunk sweaty fat dude in the bar stands up and sings it with a mic in one hand and a Bud Light in the other. Then, the Disney kid returns on a song so outdated in its optimism and an American flag waves on the screen behind him and suddenly I’m more immersed in discerning the different ingredients in the tropical salsa I’m eating, rather than his performance (mango, papaya, cilantro, red onion, is that jalapeno?). Yeah, his audience will come in their pants. Yeah, he'll win. But will anyone over the age of 15 care?

Syesha Mercado “Hello Again”, “Thank the Lord for the Nighttime” Syesha’s general audition for the 2008-2009 Broadway season continues with her decidedly old-fashioned renditions of both Neil Diamond songs. Barefoot at the foot of the stage like the legit balladeer she’s destined to become, Syesha delivered a sweet, consistent vocal. There were not many highs and lows, it was just, as Simon Cowell is so fond of saying, “pleasant.” The girl really does have an excellent voice though. The judges “like her in this”sort of genre too, but unfortunately, it's not one that sits at the top of the pop charts. Unless Jason Castro pulls out something spectacular next week, I think Syesha is on course for a third place finish.

Order in which I believe the contestants will finish:

4. Jason Castro
3. Syesha Mercado
2. David Cook
1. David Archuleta

Current Bodog odds on the final four:

David Archuleta 20-21
Jason Castro 25-1
David Cook 20-21
Syesha Mercado 50-1

American Idol Wednesdays: Castro Mangles "Memory," Smithson Soars on "Superstar"

"Touch me! It's so easy to leave me!"

American Idol Wednesdays are back! I apologize for my absence last week-- Monaco television unfortunately did not carry Idol and I only caught up on my missed episodes over the last couple of days (the guys rock Mariah songs! Bye-bye Kristy Lee Cook!) Anyway, moving on to performances by the Top 6...

The music theatre lover's heart that beats inside this stoner's body went pitter-patter when I learned that it was Andrew Lloyd Webber week on American Idol. Granted, my taste in musicals runs more toward Sondheim than Webber, but nevertheless, I was excited at the prospect of this diverse spate of contestants taking on songs made famous by Broadway and the West End's best. Would there be a whole lotta' re-arranging? (yup) Girls picking guys' songs and vice versa? (uh-huh) Total nuclear trainwreck disaster performances? (absolutely)

Here's how our six remaining contestants fared:

Syesha Mercado “One Rock ‘N Roll Too Many” Syesha dug into the far reaches of the Starlight Express score to come up with this choice (yup, that's the musical where everyone's on roller skates), and an incredibly shrewd one it was. This might as well have been Syesha’s Broadway general audition, because that’s likely where she’ll end up post-Idol and find much success. It was a fantastic vocal if a bit “old-fashioned” with the performance elements... but isn’t that... Broadway? This was a great night for her, and her performance should get her into the Top 5.

Jason Castro “Memory” “I never thought I’d see a man... with dreadlocks... sing 'Memory'.”-- Andrew Lloyd Webber

“I didn’t know a cat was singin’ it.” --Jason Castro

Wow. Total. Nuclear. Disaster. What possessed Dreadlock Boy to take on perhaps the ultimate Andrew Lloyd Webber female power ballad? Betty Buckley, Elaine Paige, Laurie Beechman, Liz Callaway and countless of other Broadway greats have put their stamp on this song. And they have... what in common with a 20-year old Jack Johnson wannabe? There were countless other song choices that Castro could have made that wouldn't have resulted in this train wreck– how about "Everything's Alright" or "Could We Start Again, Please?" for instance– that could have propelled him to a standout night. Instead, it was just kind of weird and puts him in serious danger.

Brooke White “You Must Love Me” WHOOA, she started over. WHOAA she forgot the lyrics! But she did recover admirably. Unfortunately, Brooke didn't deliver a great vocal this week and didn’t seem comfortable at all with the song. It didn’t sit well in her range-- she was popping up into head voice for half of it which is really not her strong suit. Again... with all the world-class power ballads she had to choose from and she comes up with this one? Did she think doing “I Don’t Know How to Love Him” with her guitar was just too obvious? Well if not that, than why not something like “Unexpected Song” accompanying herself on piano? Bad, bad song choices this week, kids. Goddammit, I have the sinking feeling she’ll go home for this one. Booooooo.

David Archuleta “Think of Me” It was not a bad arrangement of the song, if a little cheesy. Still don’t get what it is with him– I was totally bored. Over the last few weeks, David Archuleta's turn on Idol has become the "Change takes a piss/goes to the fridge/checks her email song." God he's just so clean and Radio Disney, isn’t it? This kid is totally going to be opening for Miley Cyrus’ tour next summer and subsequently falling from Middle America's grace the first time TMZ's cameras catch him sneaking into a gay club. I also wonder where he and crazy stage daddy got the arrangement-- anyone ever heard this version before?

Carly Smithson “Jesus Christ Superstar” Yeaaaahhhhh. Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about! This was a spot-on song choice, full of drama, and enhanced by perfect styling (love the dress!). It was also perhaps her gutsiest vocal. The spirit moved Carly on this one and the audience was along for the ride. Talk about the right performance from her at the right time. Viva la Carly!

David Cook “Music of the Night” Another fucking bizarro choice! This is the first serious misstep we’ve seen from Cook in the entire competition. I mean, seriously, the rocker guy picks one of the most legit compositions in the Webber catalog? Cook's vocal wasn’t strong enough to save the song choice, despite the judges' praise. Sorry, it just didn't cut it for me. This is a full-throated tenor ballad and despite his solid money note at the end, left to fester in the public's mind... there was a lot of pitchiness in the verses. Could Cook find nothing else palatable, say from Joseph or Evita to put his rocker stamp on? Could he not get his mind around "Close Every Door" or "Oh, What a Circus" which could have adapted so easily to a rock aesthetic? Fuck, what about "Gethsemane" from Jesus Christ Superstar? With the right arrangement he could have blown the doors off the place with that one! I didn’t get this choice at all.


My (almost always incorrect) predition for the week: It's gonna be a horse race between Brooke and Jason. I think Dreadlock Boy wins by a nose, and survives to the Top 5.

Current Bodog odds on the remaining contestants:

David Archuleta 21-20
Carly Smithson 30-1
Brooke White 40-1
Jason Castro 25-1
David Cook 11-10
Syesha Mercado 20-1

The only contestant Dial Idol is predicting to be safe this week: David Cook