Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Showcase and the $54 Vitamins

I was scrounging through the pantry for something edible yesterday when I noticed a few bottles of vitamins on the shelf where there hadn't been any before. There were four of them. The largest was labeled "Every Man's One Daily." Another was a small jar that read "Inositol Powder Dietary Supplement." The third was 90 capsules of "StressAresst." And the fourth had a $54 price tag. It was called "Brain Vitale." They weren't mine and they certainly weren't Pauly's. So what the hell was Showcase doing with a $54 bottle of vitamins?

"Showcase!" I bellowed from behind my laptop, as he walked in the front door with a small dog on a leash.


"So, there's these $54 vitamins in the pantry..."

"Oh, God."

"Why the hell do you have a $54 bottle of vitamins?"

" you remember Suzie Bisset from college?"

"Of course"

"Well, she calls me up the other day and tells me there's this vitamin company in Santa Monica that her company might do some business with. So she asks if I can go down there, and just ask one of the associates for help and see if he hooks me up with the right kind of vitamins and she'll pay me back later."

"So you say you'll do it?"

"I say I'll do it. So I go to the vitamin store in Santa Monica and this totally nice guy helps me out, and I tell him that I need something for stress and something that stimulates memory and he gives me all this stuff. And by the time I'm done, I've spent like, $100."

"$100 on vitamins?"

"Well, so I call Suzie and tell her the store is really nice and I had this great experience there, and that she should do business with them. And she's like. 'Ohmygod thanks! I totally owe you dinner when I'm out in L.A. next!' And I'm like, 'How the fuck do I tell her I spent $100 on vitamins?'"

"You shouldn't have spent $100 on vitamins."

"Thinking they were free, though..."

"No, not even thinking they were free."

"Anyway, last night I take a shit and Change... I'm telling you, it comes out bright green."

"How bright?"


"Was it the vitamins?"

"I have no idea. I just took some more so we'll have to see what color my shit is tomorrow morning."

"If the $54 vitamins turned your shit green will you continue to take them?"

"I don't know."

Showcase took a normal-colored shit the following morning.

But he's still stuck with a $54 bottle of vitamins.

(And hopefully, he'll pull the trigger and finally book that $54 flight and $47 room at the IP to join us Saturday and Sunday at the WPBT Vegas! You reading this, Showcase?)


BamBam said...

Happy Thanksgiving Change !

StB said...

Drag him to Vegas if you must. I have got to meet someone who spent that much on vitamins!

pokertart said...

Green poop = scary!

I'm sorry I'm going to miss Vegas in December. I would have loved to meet you.

CarmenSinCity said...

Oh, yes, please bring him to Vegas, I'm dying to meet the famous "showcase" that I've been reading about for 2 years :)

Jordan said...

In college, I bought the green-colored ketchup from Heinz. It was a gimmick promotion, but I got it out of curiosity. I wanted to see if it tasted differently and I wanted to see how long it took for my roommates to realize that there was ketchup in the fridge, since the green bottle didn't look like the traditional Heinz bottle. Long story short, it turns out that the green dye in the food doesn't stop working post-digestion. I was pooping green for weeks. I've never had a reason to retell that story until your post. Nice!