I was scrounging through the pantry for something edible yesterday when I noticed a few bottles of vitamins on the shelf where there hadn't been any before. There were four of them. The largest was labeled "Every Man's One Daily." Another was a small jar that read "Inositol Powder Dietary Supplement." The third was 90 capsules of "StressAresst." And the fourth had a $54 price tag. It was called "Brain Vitale." They weren't mine and they certainly weren't Pauly's. So what the hell was Showcase doing with a $54 bottle of vitamins?
"Showcase!" I bellowed from behind my laptop, as he walked in the front door with a small dog on a leash.
"So, there's these $54 vitamins in the pantry..."
"Why the hell do you have a $54 bottle of vitamins?"
"OK...do you remember Suzie Bisset from college?"
"Well, she calls me up the other day and tells me there's this vitamin company in Santa Monica that her company might do some business with. So she asks if I can go down there, and just ask one of the associates for help and see if he hooks me up with the right kind of vitamins and she'll pay me back later."
"So you say you'll do it?"
"I say I'll do it. So I go to the vitamin store in Santa Monica and this totally nice guy helps me out, and I tell him that I need something for stress and something that stimulates memory and he gives me all this stuff. And by the time I'm done, I've spent like, $100."
"$100 on vitamins?"
"Well, so I call Suzie and tell her the store is really nice and I had this great experience there, and that she should do business with them. And she's like. 'Ohmygod thanks! I totally owe you dinner when I'm out in L.A. next!' And I'm like, 'How the fuck do I tell her I spent $100 on vitamins?'"
"You shouldn't have spent $100 on vitamins."
"Thinking they were free, though..."
"No, not even thinking they were free."
"Anyway, last night I take a shit and Change... I'm telling you, it comes out bright green."
"Was it the vitamins?"
"I have no idea. I just took some more so we'll have to see what color my shit is tomorrow morning."
"If the $54 vitamins turned your shit green will you continue to take them?"
"I don't know."
Showcase took a normal-colored shit the following morning.
But he's still stuck with a $54 bottle of vitamins.
(And hopefully, he'll pull the trigger and finally book that $54 flight and $47 room at the IP to join us Saturday and Sunday at the WPBT Vegas! You reading this, Showcase?)