Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Knocked Up: The Jamie-Lynn Spears Story
Say it with me, Jamie-Lynn.
It's really not hard to get your hands on one of the above.
Oh I'm sorry, I forgot. Morally upright Christian girls with spotless reputations don't need that sort of stuff.
Actually, yes they do. Especially if their batshit crazy mother lets her 16-year old daughter live with her 19-year old boyfriend.
Lynne Spears= mother of the year. What was that about a parenting book you were writing for a Christian publisher?
"But, your honor, they met at church, so that's OK. Jesus rocks!"
"Oh, and speaking of OK... sweetie, let's at least get paid to break this totally major gossip. I think I know a magazine by that name..."
"We'll put it toward the little bastard's college fund. Not like you really need more money, but hey, your sister's blowing through her fortune like Amy Winehouse does a bag of heroin. And Nickelodeon might fire you from your TV show. Because you're not really so much of a role model anymore. Sorry!"
So, let's go over those contraceptive options again, Jamie-Lynn.
One or more of them have worked for me and I don't even have health insurance.
I'm also twice your age. Wow.
Since you're keeping the kid, at least learn from your sister's mistakes...
Pepsi does not go in the sippy cup.
The kid goes in the car seat, not your lap.
Infants' teeth should not be chemically whitened.
And shaving your head might scare the poor thing.
(Jamie-Lynn Spears photo art courtesy PerezHilton.com)