Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Knocked Up: The Jamie-Lynn Spears Story


Say it with me, Jamie-Lynn.

ORTHO-TRICYCLEN

NUVA RING

DEPO-PROVERA

TROJANS

It's really not hard to get your hands on one of the above.

Oh I'm sorry, I forgot. Morally upright Christian girls with spotless reputations don't need that sort of stuff.

Actually, yes they do. Especially if their batshit crazy mother lets her 16-year old daughter live with her 19-year old boyfriend.

Lynne Spears= mother of the year. What was that about a parenting book you were writing for a Christian publisher?

"But, your honor, they met at church, so that's OK. Jesus rocks!"

"Oh, and speaking of OK... sweetie, let's at least get paid to break this totally major gossip. I think I know a magazine by that name..."

"We'll put it toward the little bastard's college fund. Not like you really need more money, but hey, your sister's blowing through her fortune like Amy Winehouse does a bag of heroin. And Nickelodeon might fire you from your TV show. Because you're not really so much of a role model anymore. Sorry!"

So, let's go over those contraceptive options again, Jamie-Lynn.

One or more of them have worked for me and I don't even have health insurance.

I'm also twice your age. Wow.

Since you're keeping the kid, at least learn from your sister's mistakes...

Pepsi does not go in the sippy cup.

The kid goes in the car seat, not your lap.

Infants' teeth should not be chemically whitened.

And shaving your head might scare the poor thing.

(Jamie-Lynn Spears photo art courtesy PerezHilton.com)

8 comments:

Dr. Pauly said...

I always said... you can take the girls out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the girls.

Schaubs said...

Funny stuff.

Oh baby baby...

Gimme gimme more. gimme more.

CarmenSinCity said...

I know! I totally thought that Britney was the "bad one" and Jamie Lynn was the "good one". I was mistaken and surprised.

Irongirl01 said...

Well said Change

Mark said...

As certifiable white trash with first and second cousins born out of wedlock, I'm happy to see how everyone (particularly the drug abusing crowd) is piling on here.

Girl's decided to live on an edge you'd run from. Give her props or shut up.

Dr. Pauly said...

Give her props for what? For being white trash?

Mark said...

No, for not taking the easy way out. One little procedure and she doesn't need to put up with the drive-by abuse she's catching just for being second-hand famous. I don't know if she's doing the right thing or not, but it takes guts and, dare I say it, a certain class to do it.

Girl's going to have a baby. The right thing to do is to wish them well.

dark_one said...

My name is Jennifer Murphy and i would like to show you my personal experience with Depo-Provera.

I am 41 years old. Have been on Depo for at least 10 years now. (started so long ago, can't remember) Pills had me lying in the floor crying. They had taken Norplant off the market, and the idea of glass under my skin spooked me. I'm now over 40, so weight gain can't all be blamed on Depo, but I know it's responsible for about 10 lbs worth. No periods in a decade. Can you top that??? No bleeding, no PMS, no cramps, no surprise pregnancies. Miracle drug, as far as I'm concerned. I am now level headed and not a jumpy bag of hormones every month. No mood swings. I refuse to take calcium, as I have had a kidney stone in the past, so going for a dexascan later this month. You MUST watch your bone density. Long term, depo can affect bone density and it's not 100% reversible. Posters here are fussing about doctors hiding the truth of side effects, but most of what's posted here is not listed as a side affect of Depo, so the doctors aren't going to mention them. Some of what's listed here sounds l

I have experienced some of these side effects-
Slight weight gain - 5-10 lbs. Extremeties swell with heat.

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Jennifer Murphy

Depo-Provera Prescription Medication