Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Five tips for Vegas you won't read anywhere else

1. Invest in a good moisturizer. The parched Nevada desert will do a number on your skin so prepare accordingly. My personal favorites include Philosophy's Hope in a Jar, Keihls' Ultra Facial Moisturizer with SPF 15, and for the more budget-minded, Neutrogena Day Cream. Slather your face in it first thing in the morning and again at night, before you pass out. You'll look a helluva lot better when you get up even if you feel like shit.

2. Drive 85 MPH on I-15, NOT 95 MPH. Between these two speeds is a vaguely-defined threshold where "driving as fast as every other douchebag on the freeway" becomes "speeding." Avoid this by keeping the spedometer around 85, slowing to 80 near major overpasses. For a fun prop bet, pick out an idiot who cuts around you to pass and wager with your driving companion whether or not you'll see him pulled over on the side of the road within the next 50, 75, 100 miles.

3. Try not to stop on the drive from LA to Vegas. It only puts more time between you and your first free drink. But if you must stop, stop at the Harvey House in Barstow. Air conditioning, great patty melts and plenty of people-watching.

4. If you're walking the center Strip and feel the need for a toke, your best bet in terms of location is in the parking structure behind the Harley-Davidson restaurant. The stairwells are well-concealed and the view from the roof is pretty decent.

5. If you need to hide a bong in your hotel room, conceal it within your own luggage! Empty the water, remove the slider, and wrap it tightly in a towel or a plastic garbage bag. Place the wrapped bong inside your empty suitcase and zip shut. Do NOT put a naked bong (a) under the bed, (b) inside the night stand or (c) behind the curtains. Housekeeping WILL find it.

6 comments:

Bill Rini said...

One slight modification to your tip:

December will not find you basking in the desert sun. It will be cold as all shit.

Drizztdj said...

Cold?

Morning temp for MSP 5 degrees.

That's starting to get cold, the real weather comes next month when windchills hit double negative digits.

Captain Freeman said...

Hoping to make the next blogger gathering in Vegas, or at least get there sometime soon, and there's one tip you didn't cover that I'd really like to know more about. Contact me by email once you get back from Sin City? owenj23-gmail-com. I'd really appreciate it.

Slimeface said...

When passing through Barstow I usually stop at the Flyng J Truckstop. They have some of the best corn dogs in their deli located at the fuel counter and a nice restaurant if you want to sit down for a meal. Lots of 20 bit hookers and homeless hagggling the truckers in the truck parking area but inside the truckstop is fine. Never seen the Harvey House. I'll have to check it out next time I'm out that way.

Heafy said...

That's a pretty detailed description on point number 5 - how many "science experiments" did you go through before compiling that list?

Showcase said...

Change100 still isn't home from Vegas. I miss her.